When my boyfriend Craig and I started dating ten months before taking off on my European travels, I made it a point to mention that I would be studying for a semester abroad in England. Beginning my travel plans nearly an entire year before meeting Craig, I was determine to let no one talk me out of studying abroad. Thankfully, this was never a concern with Craig.
Since my return to the States, I’ve had several people ask me how studying abroad can affect a romantic relationship. Before answering their questions, I ask them one of my own, “How strong is your relationship now?”
I’ve known many couples that haven’t survived intercontinental long-distance relationships for a variety of reasons. One of the most common scenarios involves the simple case of not understanding the experiences of the other person. For example, let’s say that a couple who has been dating for a long period of time spends a lot time together while both are living in the U.S. Normally, this would be a relatively good scenario. However, how will this couple react when they are suddenly faced with spending no time together when one of them moves abroad for several months? In a healthy relationship, the person traveling abroad would embrace foreign culture and feel free to enjoy new experiences without the guilt of leaving their significant other behind. In turn, the person at home would enjoy listening to their boyfriend/girlfriend relate their travel stories and be happy to cultivate relationships with friends and family on which they would otherwise have little time to spend.
What happens many times, however, is that the person abroad may feel guilty about having so many fun and exciting experiences without their significant other, thus leading them to question their overall happiness in the relationship. On the other hand, the person at home may become jealous or not be able to relate to their significant other’s personal growth while studying abroad. Regardless of the underlying reason, living on separate continents can create enough individual change to allow two close people to quickly drift apart.
So how did Craig and I fare with an ocean between us? Incredibly well, I must admit. Though it may have been a little tough at times, we had many things going for us:
1) Great Communication: From the start of our relationship, Craig and I have always been very open about our feelings and day-to-day experiences. With modern technology, this aspect of our relationship never really changed despite being geographically separated. Skype and GoogleTalk are amazing tools that allowed us to talk through our computers without paying a cent for expensive international phone calls. During the week while I was taking classes in England, we always found time to talk every night.
2) Valuing Experiences Both at Home and Abroad: While international travel is incredibly exciting, it is important to value your significant other’s experiences at home as well. During our nightly chats, I would always ask Craig to tell me about his day, our friends, and the latest run-down of college football scores. In return, he would listen to me recount my latest trip, brush with quirky British humor, and new-found favorite food. By valuing life both at home and in Europe, we were able to better understand each other during our time apart.
3) Never Put the Other in a Threatening Position: This rule applies as much abroad as it does at home. If you wouldn’t cheat while back at home in the States, then don’t give yourself this liberty while you are in another country. While I had a great time going out with friends to the pubs and various parties, I never felt the urge to test Craig’s limits by leading on other men. Though there were times when guys made an advance or two, I usually just laughed it off and spun it into a funny story to later relate to Craig. Needless to say, we had a few great laughs over British strangers having a few too many drinks at the bar.
4) Consider a Short-Term Visit: Though this might not be financially possible for many people, Craig did get the chance to hop across the Big Lake and visit me in Europe for eight days. Timing his visit with a two-week break before final exams, we were able to spend some quality time together and do a little country-hopping of our own. Since I had already traveled pretty extensively before his arrival, I was able to pull off our travel plans without many glitches. Having not been to Europe in over five years, Craig was able to provide a fresh perspective on our travels by adding an adventurous desire to try all things new and local to the area. Our travels together gave me the chance to share with him what I had enjoyed throughout the semester as well as giving us a fun-filled experience that we continue to look back on today.
Though I can’t pretend to be an expert on intercontinental relationships, I hope this provides a little insight into what worked for Craig and I during my semester abroad. In retrospect, I truly think that my four months in Europe strengthened our relationship by allowing us to build an even stronger foundation of trust and communication. Regardless, an extended trip abroad will probably help you in the end – either by ending a relationship that was never very strong or by strengthening a great relationship that makes two people incredibly happy.
Now that I’ve given my tiny piece of informational insight, let me move on to our fun adventures in London, Paris, and Belgium…
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